Being one of the "lucky" ones has a certain kind of weight, in my experience. While back home, everything was falling apart, I found myself in a zone of safety where life seemed to be going along as if nothing was wrong. The sensation that I did not deserve this peace that sense of normalcy kept haunting me. I felt as though I was living in two worlds at once: one in which my family stayed, suffering events I could not quite understand from where I stood, and another in which I was secure, surrounded by routine and peace. Every call or message received from home had an undercurrent of tension. Still, I was here, comfortable, relaxed, far away from all the chaos. At times, the contrast felt intolerable. I would question why I left while my family and friends were stuck in that terrible circumstance. The guilt bit me continuously. Knowing I should appreciate my freedom, how could I understand it while I imagined their suffering? Though I'm not an expert, I have been struggling with this mix of emotions for some time. They refer to it as "survivor's guilt," and let me say this is incredibly challenging to deal with. It affects all aspects of your life when you least expect it. This blog will explore survivor guilt and how it impacts your daily life. I also want to offer some coping strategies that have worked for me. Indeed, it isn't easy, which is natural for one to feel. It does not, however, have to define us forever.
What is Survivor Guilt
A complicated emotional state might develop in someone who survives a tragic situation when others have died. Survivor guilt might be anything from military combat to a natural disaster even surviving a pandemic while others did not. Fundamentally, survivor guilt is a result of felt unfair inequality. Particularly about others who did not survive, someone suffering survivor guilt might believe their survival was unfair or unjust. They may wonder why they lived while others did not or feel their survival somehow came at the price of another person's life. This kind of guilt can strike even in cases where the survivor understands logically that they had no bearing on the deaths of others. It could show itself as a deep-seated notion that they are somehow less worthy of life than those who died or as a recurring sense of having done something wrong by living. Survivor guilt isn't limited to those who were directly in danger. It might also impact others who felt linked to those who passed but were absent from the horrific occurrence. Someone who loses a loved one to an illness they recovered from, for instance, may feel survivor guilt. Though it is a known psychological phenomenon, survivor guilt is not a diagnosable mental illness by itself. Still, it could be a component of other disorders, such as acute stress disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The first step in identifying these emotions in others or oneself is knowing what survivor guilt is, therefore opening the path for healing.
How Does Survivor Guilt Impact Daily Lives
A complex emotional experience, survivor guilt may influence us more than we would be aware of in our daily lives. The guilt for surviving when others did not affect all facets of our lives and shape our relationships, lifestyle choices, and general perspective on life.
Survivor guilt may appear in our relationships as a resistance to embracing achievement or happiness. We may feel undeserving of enjoyment when others have suffered and held back from honoring personal accomplishments. As we may find it challenging to be present or let ourselves be vulnerable, this could affect our relationships with loved ones. Professionally, survivor guilt might affect our work ethic and job path. Some people may push themselves to such extremes because they believe they must maximize their chances of survival. Others might unintentionally undermine their achievement because they feel they shouldn't be able to flourish when others don't have the opportunity. Our mental health might also be much affected. Anxiety and sadness might arise from survivor guilt. We can find ourselves wondering, "Why me?" or suffer uncontrollable intrusive thoughts about the horrific occurrence. This mental weight can cause sleep problems, trouble focusing, and stress in general.
Furthermore, factors might influence decision-making processes. Survivor guilt could make us doubt our decisions and constantly question whether we respect others who did not survive. This might cause uncertainty or excessive cautious behavior in many different spheres of life.
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5 Strategies to Cope with Survivor Guilt
Although overcoming survivor guilt can be challenging, there are numerous techniques you could find helpful in navigating such a complex emotional experience:
Acknowledge your feelings: accepting your survivor guilt comes first. Maintaining notes on your emotions or speaking to a close friend might be helpful. Starting with this understanding, healing and advancement are possible.
Cultivate self-compassion: Treat yourself with compassion. Remember that your survival does not diminish the death of others. Practicing mindfulness meditation or self-compassion activities may help you. Treating oneself with the kindness you would show a friend might help reduce guilt.
Engage in interpersonal interactions: It may be healing to share your experiences with those who have found themselves in the same circumstances. Online communities or support groups might offer a secure environment for you to communicate your emotions and realize that you are not alone in your problems.
Participate in valuable activities: Participating in events that give your life purpose could help you overcome guilt by honoring those who did not survive. Such activities might be painting, contributing to issues connected to the incident you endured, or volunteering. Finding means of influence will enable guilt to become an intentional action.
Rephrase your ideas: Fight negative self-talk. Rather than saying, "I don't deserve to be happy," you may view it as, "I can honor those who didn't survive by living my life fully." Over time, this cognitive restructuring helps alter your perspective and reduce guilt.
Compass Coaching Approach
Finally, survivors’ guilt may be pretty difficult for us and frequently influences our ability to enjoy life or advance free from residual sense of inadequacy. Safety and the suffering our loved ones go through may generate a complicated emotional experience that affects many facets of our lives. We may begin to heal and reframe our path by recognizing these emotions, practicing self-compassion, and discovering meaning in our activities. Compass Coaching knows how challenging these feelings may be. We thus provide a complimentary 30-minute session to assist you in exploring your emotions and direction towards peace and clarity. Book your session without delay; we are here to help you at every stage.
We would be pleased to hear from you what techniques have helped you manage challenging feelings? Share your thoughts in the comment section below!
References
Blacher, R. S. . (2000). “it isn’t fair”: postoperative depression and other manifestations of survivor guilt. General hospital psychiatry, 22(1), 43-48.
Ferguson Jr, M. J. (2021). Survivor's Guilt. Colorado: Colorado State University.
Medin, E. (2015). Treatment of survivor guilt after trauma using imagery rescripting. London: (Doctoral dissertation, Royal Holloway, University of London).
Murray, H., Pethania, Y., & Medin, E. . (2021). Survivor guilt: a cognitive approach. The Cognitive Behaviour Therapist(14), e28.
Powell, V., & Swift, M. . (2019). Building Resilience from Survivor Guilt After a Traumatic Event. . Crisis, Stress, and Human Resilience: An International Journal, 1(1), 14-20.
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